the new term for farting is butt boxing.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
