I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
