I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
