You can't special order awesome
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
