was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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