She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
They have beer where we have blood.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
