I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I wish there were birth control emojis
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
