I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
