he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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