so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
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