he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
