So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
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