I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
