I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
