Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
