i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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