Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
