she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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