i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Please don't give away my fajitas
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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