respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
