chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
