so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
