I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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