I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
