ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
