there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
