there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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