I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
