There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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