when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
