he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
