i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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