Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
