Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
