I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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