I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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