so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
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