My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Don't make out with my wife yet
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
