Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
