I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
