my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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