chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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