one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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