so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
