The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
