I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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