hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
