just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
