What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
