ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
