i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
