i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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