You're completely useless in the revolution.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
