I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
