Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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