Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
there was a trapeze. enough said
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
