Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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