I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
