I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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