is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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