Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
