Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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