You made me cry and you don't even care
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
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